Sometimes..

..it's like I finally resurface from being enveloped by this sea...this shiny, colorful, turbulent, darkly glamorous sea that I so tightly wind myself in like a crab and see my life and society so clearly and bluntly-edged, so simply stated. I have several problems but there is one that won't seem to stop banging the insides of my head, so that it shatters; its remnants splattering from it, dripping into every zigzagging crevice in the shabby corners of my mind. But it's something so embarrassingly common, I feel like a prat making it seem like such a big deal. Because to me, it is. But to a logical outsider, I'm a silly little girl who needs to focus on books and studies instead of my personal celebrities. Because that's where my main problem lies..these celebrities who should really have nothing to do with me.

So I've come up for air. A breath of fresh air, only to find it tainted with the rotting stench of Reality. He is a bastard, that Reality. Why can't I bypass his odious embrace and hug my celebrity for real?




SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hi hi!
I feel like doing this survey, and not annoying the good people of Myspace.

and your name would be?
Renae or Patty



When was the last time you were told you were beautiful?
You mean people actually do that?



Is your phone close to you?
Yes.



Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?
Yyyyyyyyyyeah, I'm not about to reach over there.




What is bothering you right now?
The inevitable direction my thoughts deviate toward.


Was New Years eve enjoyable?
I honestly don't remember.



Who was the last person to play with your hair?
Uhhh..Ivi, at Toni and Guy?



Bet your missing someone now?
You'd win that.



Do you know what you want to be when you're older?
Happy.




Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
Very high probability. Dark Knight and all!



When was the last time you got a back massage?
Pretty long time...I have bad memories...used to be greeted rather awkwardly by them by a boy I did not like.



If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it ?
I'd try to save it, then I'd use it for odds and ends. Food and such.



If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay?
Well, is it moving? If it's not, my curiosity would overpower my alarm and I would watch it, but the second it twitched I'd run like a gazelle.



Last place you went out to eat?
Bethany's!



Where are you right now?
Room. That is mine.



Are you listening to music right now?
None.



Who's your tenth text from?
Deleted my texts not too long ago.



When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life?
At HARRY AND THE POTTER'S SHOW. TWAS amazazing.



When was the last time you intentionally made someone cry?
That's...horrible.



Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else?
Sure, I guess.



Next time you will kiss someone?
Isn't that the $60,000 question.



Where was your default picture taken?
MAI ROOOM.



What sport do you enjoy watching?
Basketbawl.



Ever had a near death experience?
Yes. Probably.


When is your birthday?
July 8thhh


What do you miss most about the past?
Carefree days.



Are you afraid of falling in love?
Nervous, really..since I haven't done so before..ack!



Do you like country music?
Not usually.



Have you ever had someone sing to you?
Yes, they were lovely.



Do you believe in love?
Undoubtedly...*siiiiiigh*



What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
There'd be some very forceful words being spoken I'd imagine.




Is there something that happened in your past that you really hate talking about?
Word.



Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Yes. Whatever.



Do you ever keep arguing when you know you're wrong?
I do. But I eventually stop mid-sentence and apologize.



How do you think your latest ex feels about you?
eh?



How is your hair?
Pretty grood.



Do you like your first name?
Sure.



Do you like to cuddle?
Probably would.



Last time you ate grilled cheese?
TADAYYYYYYYY.



Name something great that happened today?
Alaina came back from Belize unscathed!



Who was the last person of the opposite sex to make you cry?
Don't remember. Don't want to.



Who was the last person's voice you heard?
My mom's or something.


Do you like your life as of now?
'S really not that bad.



Regret doing anything in the past week?
Doing nothing.


Do you make a lot of mistakes?
...Understatement.




How many kids do you want?
2?3?



When did you last cry?
Cry? IDK. I teared up yesterday though, at the end of The Life Aquatic. "IT REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL, YOU KNOW?"



Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with A?
Nope



Do you crack your knuckles?
I did when I was about to play my clarinet. Makes my fingers looser faster.



What were you doing 20 minutes ago?
Gettin' my read on.


Does anyone call you baby?
I certainly hope not..



Last thing you drank?
WATERSA!



What were you doing last night at midnight?
On stickam I think.



Where does most of your family live?
Within a 5 mile radius.



Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
No. Not in the real world. Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh again.



Ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
I don't think I've ever not.




Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
Yes.


Have you ever broken a bone?
Fractured my wrist.



Have you ever slapped someone?
I vaguely remember doing that...but the details have faded.



What can't you wait for?
My life to start.



Have your parents ever smoked?
I don't ask.



Do you want someone back in your life?
Kinda. Yes. A little. A lot.



Are you good at giving directions?
NO



Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant ?
I think they'd have anurisms before they got mad.




Rent a movie or go to movies?
Depends what I'm in the mood for. Like now, I'd much rather go out than stay in.



What did you eat last?
Grape popsicle.

Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
Yes.



Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Nope, all mines!



If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
Probably not.



Would you ever steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
No...I'm not like that.


Alrighttt. Well I'll at least post an interesting picture to alleviate some of the boredom that accompanied reading this. :] Thanks for stopping by, San Diego.

Is it just me? Or is it everyone who feels like Jeff Goldblum is harassing them every time they go to check their email? I swear every time that that's him, but after a second look, it's the eyes that aren't squinty enough.

Watched The Life Aquatic today for the first time in about 3? years? Watched it twice on the flight to Austria, where we would connect with the flight to take my Aunt and her children and I to our final destination which was Damascus, Syria. It was probably my most favorite memory of the trip. Sadly. But, it's not because the trip was horrible (even though it was, ever so slightly), but because that's the type of person I am. I like airplanes and traveling in one, it makes me feel important, like I'm on a mission. That's always what I've thought of of the people traveling in them as a kid. That's always how they were portrayed to me I guess...through movies and such, but it has stuck. I still feel that way, and it's true, so 'nough said. I also like small, cozy spaces, and that's where I was stuck, in a middle seat, listening to my David Bowie: Greatest Hits CD. I was very pleasantly surprised that that was pretty much the sound track to the movie, what with Seu Jorge randomly popping up with his acoustic and portugese self throughout the film.

But the reason I bring that up is because Jeff Goldblum is in the film, and they kind of tie together. He also said something in the movie that was really funny. He was talking to Bill Murry and it was something like: "We don't make very good husbands, but at least I have a good excuse! I'm part gay."

Anyway. That's a much better movie than I remember it being, but I had played it up to myself despite my true feelings about it at the time, so that it'd always be a pleasant memory anyway, but now it has justice. It's great.

Hmmm..let's see about this past week. Turned 18. That was..thrilling. Went to a Harry and the Potters show FINALLY. It was pretty fantastic except for this weird cross-dresser that I feel like describing and who also stood too close to me. He had platinum blonde hair that he slicked all the way back. To be honest, he looked a little like Hayden Christianson, but with a more bulbous nose, and prominent chin. Very skinny, dressed in a black shirt and black cloth skirt that he paired with bulky combat boots. Really, the only thing that gave away he was cross dressing was his electric blue eyeshadow and thick flase lashes. He also constantly had a smirk on his face...maybe he was trying to depict a cross-dressing Draco Malfoy...actually...I think I just need to be put to sleep.


P.S.! I GOT THE MOST AWESOME SHIRT EVER FROM THE CONCERT! I'll try to find a picture of it.
P.P.S. I FOUND THAT DRACO GUY'S MYSPACE. I THINK MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE NOW IN FRIGHT. IT'S COVERED IN ALTERNATIVELY BLOODY, GORY, JAPANESE PICTURES, PICTURES OF HARRY POTTER, AND STILLS AND VIDEOS OF TIM AND ERIC'S AWESOME SHOW. I am so scared.

Actually wrote this on July 2nd..

So. I’m not a morning person. The idea of having to force myself out of Slumber Land before nature intended is downright unnatural and disgusting.

But, it’s 7:30. AM. Right now. I’m still sleepy but I went on here. I forget which dead and famous philosopher said it, but they did say that the most creative time of day for a person is in the early morn. I’ve also found that late at night, when my mind is too tired to subject my thoughts and ideas through my normal filters of trivial crap, they come out making actual sense and having substance. It’s nice.

Anyway, I really came on just to expel my thought that when you constantly wake up around 10-11 am, you forget how breathtakingly beautiful the sun can be. If you took that metaphorically, I guess that could also mean: when you go around doing things your way all the time, you forget about certain beauties, having closed your mind completely to the option of taking a different route - having a choice. I mean, we all have a choice whether or not to take that next step (and I remember when I took the most crooked path to my 8th period one day after lunch while I had that in mind), but we get so conditioned into our usual decisions that we forget we have options. That’s where the whole problem of functional fixedness arises from. And here I was all proud because I don’t force myself to take the same route home everyday.

All right, well, I doubt this experience, no matter how surprising beautiful it was, is going to make me get up at 7:00 everyday, but at least now I know what I’m missing. And, if I’m trudging through an unpleasant dream, I hope I’ll be conscious enough to know I have a choice.

P.S. Watch The Matrix.