Happy Birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party is so lame.

Hello all.

Felt like updating....well, it's more like I don't want to get up and get ready for bed, but whateverr. It's all the same. :)

So new stuff:

Bought new books. Mostly classics. I'll list them, maybe yous guys have read some (probably) and can tell me your opinions.

As I Lay Dying
Teh Catcher in the Rye
Teh Illuminator
Teh Metamorphasis
A Farewell to Arms
Jane Eyre

I also have and need to read:
Frankenstein
The Inferno
Murder in the Cathedral
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy [interesting story]
The Jungle
Beowolf
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

...Listing all those, I probably shouldn't have bought all those books. I've got enough to read as it is.

The interesting story being the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (put in upper cases mentally, please) is that I found the book on a midnight tour of my campus in a ziplock bag and a note reading, "I'M NOT LOST! PLEASE READ ME! DETAILS INSIDE!"

Inside, it gives you the address of an organization's website that distributes books. People find the books, read it, log the location they found it in onto the website, and then "drop" it somewhere else. I think the farthest this book has been in California. I'll record the address if you're interested. I'm guessing it was a professor at my university..or something, IDK. But the night I found it and logged into the website, I found a comment from a man who had just posted the he dropped it off outside the Chemistry building of my uni. So that was exciting.

Here it is:
bookcrossing.com
and the BookCrossingID or BCID for the book is: 103-5972904.

I should really get on that. I'll make it a priority. I may be going to Missouri to visit family and that would be the perfect opportunity.

Anyway, hope you guys have a wonderful holiday! And pray for some snow for deprived Texan children pleaseeee! :)

Don't be scared,

Don't be scared,
The spiders are only
the size of a small elephaaant*fade out*

-Harry and the Potters.

That relates. Don't worry.

I had my first real nightmare in a while. (See.)
I took a 3 hour nap today at 5 because I had stayed up till 4 last night to finish an English paper.
Anyway, it was a really weird dream, man. The scary part: I was walking through either a small town or large college campus, thinking it's Halloween. I walk in between this brick building and row of leaf-less bushes. But as I'm walking out of there and turning the corner, I do a double take and see what I think is a poster with a picture of a large spider on something like a telephone pole in between that building and row of bushes. So I turn back and examine it more closely and suddenly I realize that it's a real tarantula. But I'm not frightened. I turn back around to continue on my way and come face-to-face with another large spider web with a large spider on it. Suddenly, there are webs all around me teeming with spiders. One in particular was a large white spider. I tried to go through the bushes but saw millions of tiny spiders appearing all over them. I was so scared. I screamed. I don't know if I did in real life. I was saved I think.

Something else that was kind of funny is that by the end of my nap, I was hovering between consciousness and dreaming as my little sisters were being really REALLY loud and annoying. And in the dream, I got a telephone call. The voice that speaks is male and in the dream, it was familiar, but idk who that would be now.

Anyway, he says something like, "Hi. I'm just gunna put this out there. I think you should do a medical degree-" and he cuts off. I'm waiting for the rest and suddenly get patient and say "Hello?" The thing is that I say it out loud. And that was when I decided to WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

I think it's a cool dream.

Thing is I'm not usually scared of spiders. Well, half the time. When I see one, I'm initially alarmed a little but if it isn't moving my curiosity overpowers that and I can look at it. But as soon as it so much as twitches, I'm outta there.

:) Anyone have any phobias?

Wishful thinking OMGPUNLULZ!

Ey

So already I am thinking about what to ask my parents for Eid/Christmas (as I am half Palestinian/Lebanese and half French/Irish) I get to celebrate both holidays. SCORExCORE!!!!!11one

Anyway, some things include

1. Video games
-Final Fantasy XII
-Call of Duty
-Metal Gear Solid 4
-Halo 4
-Guitar Hero/Rock Band

2. Black leather gloves. They're just so slick and international-spy reminiscent.

3. Women's oxford shoes. Been wanting some for a while. I'm sure I'd have better luck finding them on my own though.

4. Kitten. Man. I want one.

5. A simple, modern, practical watch

6. Chance perfume. Or one of equal or greater greatness.

7. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

8. Better bedspread.

9. Extremely soft, warm, and cozy sweat pants

10. Bookstore gift card

11. Plane tickets to New freaking York



I'm a simple fellow.

Will sulk for $$$

Soo
This week's been interesting. :)
I could get used to this.
It really made me feel good when me and a friend were waiting on another in the bathroom right after we had gotten out of English when our teacher comes out of the classroom and we talk about what we're doing next and she asks "Did you all know each other before this class?" And we say no and she was like "wow, that's great!" kinda stupid, but it warmed my heart <3

lol. sorry for my gayness.
ANYWAY.

art is getting hella stressful. why'd she spring all these freakin perspective drawings on us last minute? She gave us 4 and I have only 2 done. The easiest ones, too. The glorious part of all this is that she hasn't given us our Final drawing. The big kahoona. The one she's giving us freakin 2 weeks to complete. It's ominous. Because first I suck at perspective. Second...I'm getting lazy.

I'd really like to go thrifting. Buffalo exchange is calling my naaaaaame.

Poor? Not me.

Honey I don't want
those
money woes.
I'll marry Paul
or Dave
or Rob
or Peter,
So I can buy my clothes
at Saks
Fifth Avenue..

Okay, I'm not a big musical person. I'd rather get my teeth pulled than sit through Rent. Some are better than others.

But man, today I got a song from the musical Thoroughly Modern Milly stuck in my head. I was in the orchestra for it my senior year and those songs have a tendency to burst out of me unprovoked. My cd is scratched though :(

Oooh! I was so disapointed when the song Gimme Gimme didn't work on my cd, but I just found the original Sutton Foster singing it on Youtube on the Rosie O'Donel show. Here go.

Well, today was a bit better at least. Better than I first thought. An unexpected person kind of annoyed me though. Its happened before. I just don't think they realize the power of words, and I'm a sensitive mutha. A nice hobby of mine is looking up etymologies. It is amazing I haven't met any guys.


edit://I KNEW IT! I knew Sutton Foster looked familiar! God, what a small world. She was in 3 episodes of Flight of the Concords. She played Brett's new-found girlfriend Coco.

poast

hello

this past week was extremely busy and hectic. So many tests and quizzes and presentations and things due. but that's just academically.

socially, its been hectic as well. i want to transfer already. i thought college would be better. its really just more of the same things and people. god. and i blame myself for it. i attract this gayness.

i don't have grace when it comes to social interactions. i'm still pretty unlearned and brash.

anyway...i've been realizing there's shopping to be done. not nearly enough sweaters and warm things in my closet. and not nearly enough money to pay for anything. i hate owing people stuff. makes me feel inadequet.

whatever. this post is mainly to ventilate. just thinking about school tomorrow makes me want to go home.

edit:// i feel much better. i got my schedule for next semester partly in order now, so it's good. that's one thing that was bothering me. man. note to self: when feeling down, run. literally. i know exercising releases brain chemicals but i always forget to take advantage. hachacha

miss listless

So it sort of amazes me what people will do solely for attention. I guess it shouldn't surprise me...but god, it's still a little shocking at first. I mean you'd hope people'd have limits. Goes to show how fallible humans are able to become. GAY.

Anyway. I don't know. I can't think right. Everyone's so double-sided.

Uh...okay. So. I really hope I still get to go to New York City this December. I've had my heart set for a little while now. It'd be cool to meet some celebrities, especially infamous ones.

I'm being sort of allusive there. you can't tell.

man. i wish i had my own little room of gratuitous praise. it seems like some people have freakin like..2 of them.

everything is getting on my nerves right now. my back. this lighting. this new monitor. my pc. with its never-ending oscillation and high-pitched and audible frequencies. a person could go out of their mind.

plus, i should be reviewing terms of stratification for an exam tomorrow. effing...life. making me do stuff.
and my mom won't shut up about a pin number i'm supposed to have. i'm going to start making numbers up to just appease her if she doesn't lemme alone. cant she see i'm brooding? goshhhhhh.

man its just..i don't know. there's been a little knot in my brain recently that i need to untangle. but its like the thing is covered in tiny spikes. eventually i'll need to deal and figure this thing out, but right now i don't feel up to all that elbow grease. i like all this metaphorical speak. hahaa.

i just need to forget. or more like, get over. it's just dumb.

man. i need a new chair. maybe icecream. but definitely a chair.
you i'll see

okayy

today was basically step-on-toes and awkward-silences day.
i either offended someone inadvertently or came off as arrogant.

i feel like i come off as arrogant a lot and i realize it when i do, and have come to realize its so that i can cover up how really self-conscious i am. so i'm trying to change.
maybe today is the day all the horrible characteristics surface and then go out of my system. hopefully.

my school newspaper is written by people who are barely suited to distribute the news rather than write it. i saw a bajillion (not really) errors in their take on election coverage this morning, and all i did was flip back and fourth between CNBC, comedy central, and NBC all last night. I feel comedy central did the best in announcing the presidency though: during a spiel by colbert on his hope for mccain's victory, john stewart quietly says "i'm sorry to interrupt you, stephen, but barak obama is now the confirmed president of the united states." or something like that. it was cool. got your blood pumping. and man, can that obamammamama speak.

what's really cool is that he'll be inaugurated on my youngest sister's birthday, Jan. 20th. that's pretty neato for her!

anyway. these next two days should be fun-filled. tomorrow charlie murphy is coming to uta and i have a ticket! i'm still hesitant and i don't really expect much, but whatever. it's a show.

then on friday is deerhoof! yaaaaaaaaaay. i like their milk man album the best right now. :D

okay, well i hope you all have good dayz and stuffz.
l8s

helloo

so
like
the day after my last post, i had a very good day
i'm finally making friends!
its going to make it all the more sad when i transfer to UT though
now i think i can appreciate how my friend tj felt when he transfered, maybe.
idk. i'll just stick to speaking for myself haha. i always end up backtracking when i speak for others. i should learn.

haha. yeah. i hope it stays this way at least.
:]

i've been wanting to get more active lately. i would also like to start volunteering but i'm not sure how to go about doing that yet with my campus.

hmmm, my cousin farah had a halloweeen party! it was pretty bumpin'.

mmm oh yeah.

i am sooooooo so so excited for december. 12 - 17th in new york citayyyy. cannot wait. i'm sure i'm idealizing it more that it will actually be, but whatever. haha. i really can't wait for the nbc studio tour. maybe i'll see an snl cast member or two! eeeeeeeeee.
i need to also not look like a tourist. i heard that you get better treatment from ppl that way. haha. i really can't wait. i'm making an itenerary for the trip. its harder than i figured it to be.

i'm even considering watching home alone 2: lost in new york for some research or whatever. yeah i'm a huge nerd. with me, when i get into something, i delve into it deep for a few days and then i forget about it for a while. but with december right around the corner i don't think i'll be able to forget about it haha. man. SO can't wait.

p.s. that's me trying to dance as a japanese school girl

feh.

i've said this before: i'm giving up for a while.
do i?

..for a while.

and that is apparently not long enough for me. i need a long long while.
i'm the perfect candidate for a libido removal. i'd be perfect. duuuude i'd get so much done. i'd be the smartest person ever. well-read. well-studied...yeah. perfecto.

it's just...idk. there must be something wrong with me. AHHHHHHH THERES TOOMUCHNOISEINMY HOUSEATTHISMOMEEEEEENTTT

gah. but yeah. or maybe its just uta. full of nice-looking or just plain nice-guys who're all taken and untouchable or intolerable. it sucks.

i just don't want to settle. and i don't want to waste my time pining for someone who'd never be interested ina relationship anyway. or doesn't know my name even.

y'know i've realized that my soci teacher was right: your name, whether you like it or not, is an important stronghold to your identity. i've been going by Renae in my classes and haven't been correcting the teacher. that causes all the people i meet to call me Renae. I really feel so...almost empty, and squimish when they call me that..I don't know who that person is, really. I'm..Patty. And no matter how much I don't like it, it's me. It's a bit ironic now that I think of it, kind of just realized something. Just had a whole took-a-step-back-and-put-it-in-perspective kind of moment there. but its too personal for the interwebz. srysssssssss


anyway, yeah. i'm going to not care. i'll just fall in love for seconds at a time with random handsome strangers. have a whole relationship in my head. it won't last, but i'm putting off reading some stuff so i'm going to be as optimistic as i can to compensate.

in conclusion,
i need a haircut.

BLASDHF;DFJ!

I am SO embarrassed. :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((



















p.s., the picture has nothing to do with the post, i just shopped it and think it's funny. AHHHHHHHHHHASDJF;LADF. :[

Rosebud..

sigh sigh sigh

this week has been good.
tough. oh yes. but good.
had two tests this week along with a long and somewhat tedious English paper. It's so formulaic. I mean I'm glad I've finally figured it out but, it makes it that much more uninteresting. I dont know.

today, instead of having a life, I stayed in. I don't usually get many impulses to go out and be seen, but I have lately. Ah well. I guess if I really wanted to, I'd have done so. Maybe could've gone to Borders and bumped into a certain sharky teacher who's really fascinated me. Idk. He's werid.

I wouldn't actually do that btw. I'm not a creepy personnn. except by 'not' i meant 'totally'. just replace them and ahh. yes. hahaaaaaa.

anyway
so instead i watched the movie citizen kane. very very good. for anyone who liked/loved The Great Gatsby, you'll love this movie. (i actually couldn't get into The Great Gatsby. i mean, i definitely appreciate it, but i've always really and actually disliked excessive materialism since i was little for some reason and some of the imagery created in Gatsby simply disgusted me. i felt like the book was basically preaching to the choir, tbh. all the empty, expensive things that served no purpose. it's that horrible hollow feeling. everything gatsby had was soulless, except, arguably, himself. just...it reminds me of the reaction by the main character to beethoven's symphony after the aversion therapy in A Clockwork Orange.)
check it out yall. orsen wells ftw. lolzerz.

uhhm..so now i'm just looking forward to sleeping in.
which, now that i think about it, won't be very long. i usually wake up around 9 now on weekends.


funny quote from le movie:

"you longfaced, overdressed...anarchist!"
"i am not overdressed."
"you are too! Mr. Burnstein, look at his necktie!"

so heyyyyyy

hello
today 's been very unproductive. i have a test-o-rama and a speech outline due monday and have not done a single thing for it.

watched the duchess today. kira knightly did a pretty grood jrob. but i hate watching films like taht. they always have the same plot lines: loveless marriage, passionately true love that can never be because of the influence of society. it also depresses me because i haven't felt that kind of unbridled passion for anyone and 'the duchess' isn't even 18 in that effin movie. EFF YOU, BIGWIG. SAVE SOME FOR THE REST OF US. sheesh.

also. immitation. flattery? or annoyance?
initially the latter. then when you think of it, the former. then you think about it more and it becomes the latter again. like seriusly. where're all the freakin ladders anyway?

hah. yeah. but yeah. we all are stealers of traits and quirks we find in others that we like and want. is it very hypocritical to be annoyed when it becomes obvious someone is stealing ours? hmmm. maybe stealing is a rather harsh word. i guess that pretty much gave away what i think. but i don't know. maybe it depends on what it is? if it's an idea or trait that is "original" then of course...hmm..maybe i'm just being petty. anyway, chew on that one. :)

there's not much new..although i have been in a skirt-buying mood as of laaaaaaate. i used to hate skirts and dresses, but now i feel like i can wear them. plus they're dead comfortable.

arggg. strrrrrrress.
i've been recently feeling like everything i try, i'm mediocre at. not failing horribly but not exactly excelling. average. boring. expected. blanddd. i want to be the best at something. i want to find my niche.
admittedly, i've spruced by "options tree" if you will. i'm more inclined to right brain jobs. more creative and artsy fartsy.

i think my want to be naturally the best at something stems from laziness, actually. i don't want to have to work at something. and that's retarded. just plain retarded. i'm ashamed.

I CAN DO IT! SI SE PUEDE! YES I CAN! I'LL SHUT UP!
i'm sleepy and can seriously feel the effin cortisol rushing in my brain when i think about all the effing work i haven't even beGUN. EFF.

peace out.

p.s. i think i will start doing like "motif of the week" because, and i'm not the only one who feels like this, there seems to be a string of similar occurances, whether it be a name, a color, a word, an object, a person, that happen to crop up coincidentally around the same time but only lasts a short while.
this week has been imitation. hoorah. i'm cool. that is awl.

Sister girlfriend...

I invented that.

aaaaaakay. some things that annoy me:

whistling loudly and suckily.
finiding mustard or mayo in my sammich.
finding ingredients that are not supposed to be in my or in any sammich, in my sammich.
people not wearing gloves to make food.
people not washing their hands after using the restroom.
people.
heidi montag and her bf.
grownups acting like children.
people who complain about themselves but do nothing.
people making excuses.
people eating unhealthy food being surprised at high blood pressure and strokes.
that time i saw an obese mother and son walking to mc donalds.
mc donalds.
praise bands.
religious extremists.
people who dont know what they're talking about
or actually believe in.
stingy peeps.
greedy peeps.
pundits.
'deep' teens. like stfu.
mumbling.
rudeness.
people who stare.
people who talk slowly.
sorry to a lot of people in advance:
dogs. especially the small peppy ones. ugh.
chewing with mouth open.
people who ignore what you say and go on as if you hadn't spoken.
people who have to tear down those who may make them
not be the "prettiest" in the room. harrrrrrrr.
forgetfulness in myself and others.
math.
people who dont like or discredit reading.
mtv. good god. hate.
celebrities.
many things about myself.
this list.
good night

hey whatsup whatsup whatsup whatsup whatsup

this week i've been so off and not myself. tired and sleepy all the time, self-indulgent, slacking off.
actually maybe that's just the real me and it's finally caught up with me.

hahh well, yeah. i've been letting my id make all my decisions is what my soci teacher would say.
but i got a better grade on my 2nd speech test. hopefully i'll be able to drop my first one. no b's this semester please. i've never liked how they looked like on my papers since elementary and i don't like them now. seeing a b on something i did used to look physically ugly to me.
i'll probably start loving them pretty soon when i start some really challenging courses, but not now.

man i really like what we're doing in art! we're learning how beginner drawers usually draw and we're learning how professional artists draw. it's a challenge!
the only thing is that i haven't yet done so much as 2 of the 12 drawings i need to have finished in my sketchbook by next thursday. draaaaaaaaag.

i hate bibliographies.

I need those red rosed ones..

So hi.
Not much to update on.
Missed pi on my test. caused me to miss only the problem i was 100% sure on. i love you, fate.

i think i'm going to go ahead and declare psych as my major. no more pandering, it's what i want to do. i'm allowed to be interested in other things though. if art goes well, well, then i'll just have to double major then won't i. rhetorical questions shouldn't be allowed to have question marks as the ending punctuation. we should make something up...like..idk.
i wonder if anyone has ever triple majored. now thats major. lolz, hehhehhehhehheh. i'm sleep-deprived.

this week i've been extra lazy. and have slipped behind on reading. it's seriously something of a problem. i expect myself to get behind so i almost intentionally make myself slack off in order to lag behind and have to race to catch myself up. that's what i was like all through highschool. always waiting till the veryyyyyyyyy last millisecond. but 99% of the time I got it done because I work better under stress. i think i have to create stressful conditions for myself. I know I work a lot better when there is no option of putting it off any longer and I can concentrate pretty hard on stuff when i need to. i wont hear people talking to or around me, but I can't concenrate as hard as my mom though. i swear a train could come crashing through our house and she wouldn't even flinch from whatever housing contract she was reading. it gets pretty annoying actually.

dont see eagle eye if you like being able to hear things and not have vertigo after a movie. p.s. i was born an old person.

seriously though, that movie looked hastily done. the scenes didn't flow. looked like 2 or 3 sucky movies spliced together. and they should maybe stop ripping off 2001: a space odyssey. people will think the computer thing was a stroke of visual and effin plot brilliance from this director guy. twas not my friends. twas a total rip. off.

this weekend will be one filled with charcole bruises and a buttload of reading.
gon-night.


p.p.s. wish me luck for something i can't tell you about now, but probably will after i've done it

i swear, i care....god.

eyz.

so. this week turned out to be much better than i'd expected it to be. yaaaay...

yesterday i tried to get into my art class at uta but i couldn't..the light on the lock turned green and everything, but it wouldn't unlock. gahhhhh. hopefully there'll be someone that can help me tomorrow. that building can get creepy after a while all by yourself. i freaked myself out once or twice..

well, so after that i took the long way through the architecture courtyard to my car. it is so beautiful. with the grass and the trees and the weathered but intricate wooden benches. lovely. reminds me of the wooden park. there used to be this park where everything was made of wood. there was a wooden maze, little wooden secret crevices and creaky old stairs that'd wind to get up to the slides. i always thought that place was magical or something. idk. watched the princess and the goblin too much for my own good i think.

ANYWAY. so. found some ignorance today in a person. knew it was there. knew there was something wrong in their thinking and i've finally found what it is! didn't think it'd be that particular topic though. thought they were a little better than that. they're much more conservative than they think they are and would like to portray themselves as being. o irony. how you never fail to pop up and slap a ho. delightful.

i'm sorry. i hate being vague and i hate reading posts that are vague because both the reader and writer know they're selfish and self-indulgent. well, at least the reader knows. but whatever. i'm admitting to it at least.

so i think i like football.
i've stepped in fresh gum twice this week.
i put in my pin number like a champion and opened the art room door.
watched this past saturday's snl and realized i was cringing the whole time. god. put these writers and actors out of they're misery, please.

that is all.

Oh God, Originality

hey there.

so I forgot to mention how the Why? concert was. Amazing. In every sense of the word...ever. It was so good. Man. It was really one of the best shows I've been to. Also, Mt. Eerie was really good. It was just this one guy who's doing a 'music project' and he sat cross-legged on stage with two volunteers from the audience keeping his smoke machines going. and the lights made them look all colorful. the smoke was like...like the gasoline you see on black pavement that has leaked out of someone's car and looks like liquid rainbow but as a gas...if that makes sense. idk. it was neato.

hmmm...idk. had my first exam in sociology. wasn't too too bad. was alright.

English next. i have to hand it to my English professor. she says we have to do a Toulmin analysis for Wednesday, she described how to do it, and not once did the idea "this is an essay. yuck, gross, barf" cross my mind. it seemed/seems like a no-biggie assignment. that is freakin amazing. at any other time in my life the word 'essay' would bring up images of me staring frustratedly at my blank Word document with my clock (that doesn't blink) blinking how early in the morning it is. but not this one. nope.

went to the library and read "Real Punks and Pretenders" for Sociology. Its this 27 page analysis of the punk counterculture in america. it really didn't teach me anything i didn't already know from attending all the shows i've been to. and really, that's mostly how the lady did most of her research: going to this local bar that had a once-a-week punk night so that bands and stuff could go and play and punks could chill out all together and stuff. it's really the same with the indie/hipster/scene-ish crowd i encounter usually. eh

sleepy.

man, people, man.
there's two people who are two of the most pretentious people i've ever encountered. (theres actually one other person but that's besides this point). i like myspace. one of the main reasons i like it is because of these charlatans who make it points to post bulletins when they're feeling most snug and knowledgable. i don't know why, but i'm simply fascinated by them. such little self-awareness in two not-so-different people. they're relationship to each other is a bit ironic but i can't say because it would totally give away who they arrrr.

for example. this person likes making broad, general statements with implications that those statements are original in any freaking way. i love it. one person philosphy book right there, it's great. it's an art. you know, that's what it is. i am simply a ostentatious-people appreciator. mmm.

okay well i'm done ranting. i did this instead of that english assignment, huzzah!

Supercollider? I hardly know 'er!

hey whatsup.

sooooooooo i wanted to update. bad idea. its exactly 1:50a right now and I'm really having an enormous trouble keeping my eyelids high enough to read what I'm typing. I'm having to raise my eyebrows very high..so I look like I feel obnoxiously smug about my typings right now. har.
ok so.

not really any more new school updates. well, except that this next week is going to be dubbed 'hell-hole week' because I have an exam in at least one class everyday except for one. yum.

just got back from watching burn after reading w/sakaaaaaaaa. it was pretty good and funny. very very extremely joseph heller, catch-22 movie. it was cute. i liked brad pitt's character the very most.

uhhh. the large hadron collider at CERN went online yesterday. though no atom-smashing-blackhole-inducing experiments have been started...yet. man. although the majority of people say nothing will happen, there's always that x factor i can't help but worry about. argh. i mean, an indian girl freaking committed suicide in fear of it. gd man. here's a live webcam on the hadron collider if you're interested. i saw a guy fall down some stairs so it's worth checking out for a sec:

http://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.html


ike. i like ike. actually the opposite. ike's taking away our precariously-expensive gas priceses and making them...carious. ha. in that gas is expected to rise a full effin dolllarrrrr within the next few days. more like...ike is a dyke. EAT THAT.

anyway yeah. i'm getting ridiculous right now with sleep. l8sta

my dad watches spongebob

a
Elloooo

let's update

so school's been manageable. i dare say, even kinda easy. "but that's heresy!" i am informed. but that's mostly because so far, most of the work has been done during class. tomorrow i'm probably going to get assigned 9034 page papers in all my classes due by the end of that day or something. but right now, it's alrighttt.

gahhhhhh i've had two songs by why? stuck in my head all dayyyyyyy
"billy the kid-did what he did and he died. billy the kid-did what he did and he died."

i still want winter bad. <-p.s. that's actually good grammar. badly is wrong. i only bring that up because i watched the first episode of america's next top model today on youtube and heard tyra say it wrong in her most self-righteous voice. HA-HAAAAAAAAA.

no but seriously. the lengths that they've gone in this first episode to make it seem futuristic makes me think tyra and everyone working with her has absolutely no shame/soul. first, they take the dumb girls to a "top secret facility" and then both of the Jays come out with silver-metallic shirts on and white hair and talk like gay robots. and they made computer generated lightning. i mean seriously. but the thing that really cheesed me out was when tyra came out of this little pod thing, said nothing important, and then said "beam us up. fiercely." i died a little inside.

eh. i've been wanting to go to france, not necessarily paris, for a while now. i'm kind of sad the study abroad program went there last yearrr. i don't think i've mentioned this, but i'm planning on living in europe for some portion of my life. it sounds really naive typing it like that but i'm really not joking when i do. it's something i have to do. i'm pretty sure everyone i tell just shrugs it off, but they wont' for very longgg. hopefully i'll be married by the time i do, but if not, i hope i'll find someone there. p.s. again, i'm having guy troubles. all the guys i happen to be somewhat interested in are already in relationships. all i can think of now is deciding what breeds of cats i want in my house when i get old. i'm going to give up for awhile.

okay well i'm getting sleepy. time fo sleeeeeeeep.
Ahhhhhhhhh...to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub.
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil
Must give us pause:




been obsessed with shakespear lately too. trying to memorize the entirety of that speech like cool person. also, i bought the tempest. it's cool, therefore so am i.

Another..

Hey.
I feel sick and I think it's because I was taking finger-fulls of the melted butter-mixed-with-sugar some of my cousins and I were mixing in order to make a red velvet cake from scratch. It wasn't really RED velvet though..we made a two layer cake, with one layer green, the other purple; along with cupcakes which were my favorite because they were a rich dark velvety bluee. They weren't half bad..eh

Anyway. I keep dipping back into my winter obsession. I keep wondering if I'm fascinated by the cold only because it's something I can't get easily...I guess that's part of the allure, but I don't think it's the full reason. I just like the season. It's a very homey one.

Anyanyway, I have a new tiny little mini obsession: Etsy.com
It's amazing. It's a site where people can sell stuff they made, and surprisingly, there are a lot of talented people.
But there's everything you'd want. All types of clothing, Art work, Home stuff, everything. I already have a billion things I want. I've been looking seriously for a good wintry hat. And I've got it narrowed down to three choices: one's a plain hat with those ear flaps, another is just a basic tam that is on sale, and the last is more like a beret. It's really hard to choose. I hate how I'm indecisive and scared that the hat I pick won't even look good on me. Ah well. What will be, will be I guess. Won't be the end of the world. A hat.

Also, my history book is not helping. I read, though briefly, about the first Thanksgiving and man did that set off some cravings. I don't know what I wouldn't give to have some pumpkin pie with whipped cream. yum.


Gotsta finish stuff, bye

Exxhausted

hm. this week has been alright. lets go over some of the more prominent points, shall we? oh. we shall.


negs:
sunburned scalp.
sunburned feets.
overactive sweat glands.
horrible sense of time
which in turn, actually
makes me overcompensate
and come way too early than what's logical
to class.
my shyness.
tendency to be overconfident.
and trying so hard that my friendliness
comes off as faggotocity.
that one guy who farted in sociology in front and two seats away from me.

posvs:
the backs of those auditorium chairs being completely sealed in metal. jesuz.
in spite of my best efforts, I make like 2 friends.
getting a whole buncha exercise.
so much so, in fact, that I sleep
1 - 2 hours as soon as I get home.
considering walking a whole bunch of exercise.
liking all my classes.
loving my art class.
actually finding a locker, claiming it, and not having to recreate 300 in the process.
my teachers speaking engrish.
standing still for about a full minute in front of the main corridor on the 3rd floor of the art building because of the gusts of cold cold air that blows from probably a dangerous crack in the ceiling.
strangers being polite to me.
eating my sandwich while crossing the crosswalk.

aaaaaaand
SCENE

said I would.

Yo. So..looking back at my post last night, I have to say that my day was a bit anticlimactic. It's not that it wasn't interesting and everything, but it wasn't as stressful as I thought. So really it made all my worrying come to absolutely nothinggg. Which is really good. So lets get to it.

Got to school at 8:24 am, found a spot way away, got out of my car and realized how far away the Art Hall was from where I currently was so I rushed like mad to my class, in the sticky heat too. I get to the class all huffy and puffy and find that it's 8:41am. I had about 20 minutes before class started and the classroom door was locked too. Joyyyyyyyy. So I went to the restroom and met a teacher complaining about the paper towel dispensers - how you have to walk across the bathroom and drip water on the floor to get to them. She was nice.

Speech seems fun. I got excited and the teacher seems really cool.

Then it's Sociology's turn. That class was like the auditorium in my high school..maybe only about 1/2 the size though, but it was still pretty immense if you ask me. Harvest Moon. That's my professor's name. She seems very intriguing. I really want to know more about her background, she had the coolest accent ever, but I couldn't place it. I really want to know more about her! Anyway, that class seems interesting as well.

Lastly came English. The teacher seems fantastic. I think it's funny how she references facebook for a lot of things. The class seems like I'll enjoy it, too. I mean, English is usually one of my favorite classes anyway but it seems like this teacher will only enhance it..I guess. She seems really fun.

Nizza Pizza afterwards. All these high schoolers. It felt so werid...I guess maybe college has given me a misguided sense of power, but I felt so much older than them..I think it may be mainly because I've definitely grown personality-wise, into a much more independent person. I never realized how much I depended on others while in high school. It was the school's responsibility to get me a schedule I liked and such things. Not no mo'.

All in all it was a pretty alright day. Didn't make any friends though...Oh! Actually! Remember that teacher I told you about? Well, I had extra time after my classes so I decided to go back into the Art Hall to find my Drawing class I'm taking tomorrow and I ran into that same teacher again! So I think she's my first friend of college. Maybe if I get her as an actual teacher someday, I'll have the edge...MUhaha. Yes. Nah, she was just a nice ladyyyyy.

Okie dokie. Well yeah. That was it! It was cool. Wish me luck on finding friends though, I'm terrible at meeting people. It still amazes me how I have friends today seriously. Ahhhh. Okay laterr.

OH man.

Tomorrow's the day. THE day. I feel a little sick..
I'm really worried about this next chapter. I'm at the cusp of either success or failure here. A happy life, or a sucky one. It's all up to meeeee. What if I can't do it? I really don't want to be overwhelmed, which is what I'm feeling right nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Deep breath. Okay. Everything's guna be fine. Forizzle. just...i needa be quiet.
I think I'll go draw something..that really calmed me down when I was drawing on msn..hmm..

The picture I posted is one I drew on msn. That's is how I think tomorrow will be for me.

I mean, what could go wrong anyway? Besides everything...gahhhh I'm psyching myself out. I'm also being a baby. It's probably not going to be as bad as I am currently thinking, or as awesome as what I had always pictured in my mind. Wow. Me. College...it's just a weird thought. I mean, I barely look old enough to be in high school let alone college.

Okay. Well. Final Fantasy is being beautiful and putting me at ease. Def post coming tomorrow. Be ready. I'm sure not.

I feel better now.

sup.


fleet foxes sound even better against the rain and thunder outside. add solitaire and I've got myself a party.

oliver james washed in the rain...

:3

blarrrrrrrg

hey. bored. getting anxious about school. I mean its university! a whole new world! the beginning of the hard parts of life! oh man... am I ready? gosh, I don't know. I feel kind of ready to take on more responsibility. I mean...the mere preparation for this freakin school has forced me to become more independent. no one tried to coddle me. I had to make all the decisions rationally and by myself so that any mistakes would all be on me. but I'm glad it worked out that way, nonetheless.

oooh. huh. just found something that's making my temper rise uncontrollably. yep. I'm starting to get shaky. my head is starting to pound. I should probably get off before I type something stupid.

Helloo Winter Wear

HI :)

Today was a good day because I got to go shopping for winter clothes and actually found clothes I liked and can't WAIT to wear. Man. I love the cold weather. Getting all bundled up! Waking up and moving to the window to look up at the overcast winter sky which looks like a whole bunch of shredded cotton balls. Touching the glass and having it fog beneath your too warm fingers...realizing it's going to be biting and having to put on more layers to keep warm till you're extremely cozy and can face the frosty wind outside.
Having an excuse to wear the coolest hats ever. I love the jux. of the bitter coldness against my face and being completely warm everywhere else. I like when my nose and cheeks turn pink and being able to warm them with just a couple seconds touch from my wolly hands. Then coming in the house with that welcoming scent an active fireplace radiates and curling up close to it while the whole family watches tv in the living room. It's very contenting.

P. S. If you want to get on my good side [or possibly sweep me off my feet...a girl can fantasize], invest in a thick, warm, cozy, wide, any color but solid brown [since brown & black are no no's], cute scarf fo mee.

P. P. S. That's me last year. As much as I wanted to, I didn't jump into my coat and take a picture for the sake of this post. I'm not that obsessive



yet.

Sociology in the Now

Hi
Got some thoughts to expel, so lets get to et.

More specifically, One Awkward Moment. Brought to you by PBS Kids.

Ok. So. I was at UTArlington [ugh] and I had finished meeting w/the honors college adviser. I asked her where I needed to go to turn in my AP scores. She said Davis Hall and literally pointed me in the "right" direction. So I wander around campus for a while. Sort of a long while..without really paying much attention to where I was going as it was hot and I had thought to wear my crimson cardigan so as to make a good impression. So in short, I made myself miserable. After circling the same building twice, which I was only made aware of as I passed the same average-looking guy smoking a cigarette by the entrance and giving me a hearty stare for the second time, I see a small group of adults I assumed to be teachers around the back of another building. It was a small man, an older woman with white hair, and this hauss of a lady with a frizzy plate of hair in a long ponytail down her back. I waited politely while they finished their conversation; the hauss looking at me from time to time. Then she started walking my way. I asked her where to find Davis Hall. She was nice and gave me clear directions. I thanked her and she assured me it was her pleasure and I said goodbye and we both started to go on our way when I find that her way is in the exact same direction as mine. So...we're walking silently next to each other about 6 feet away in the same direction, just starring ahead or to at the ground. After about a minute of this she enters a building.

It was really awkward. We had just finished being so polite to each other and we both probably would have walked away feeling dignified in our own cordiality when we then proceed to simply ignore each other for about a minute. It's just times like these that the quirks of the civilized human nature pops out at you.

There was another one but I've forgotten it.
Laterssssesesres

I vs. Me

hey
so i think i'm guna tone it down for now. for this post anyways. with the capitalization at least. i mean its much too far for me right now. gads.

so yeahhhhhhhhh. my boredom has brought me here. i hate this. the whole day i've felt like i had just woken up and my day hadn't even begun. then i glance at the clock in the bottom right hand of the screen (as i spend most of my time on the computer nowadays) and groan as the time is much too close to darkness once again. my days are now like that one glorious scene in The Matrix: Revolutions. its my favorite part in the whole movie. where Neo and Trinity are being chased by those spider-droids in the Machine City near the end, and the whole time the pollution and smog blots out the sun so completely and hopelessly. and then, suddenly, they go up higher and higher to escape the robots that are right on their tail till FINALLY they break free of the clouds of filth and see the sun fleetingly for the first time in their lives. the real, true, natural, beautiful, ethereal sun. not the computer-generated circle of light they see in the matrix. i always tear up.

yeah. so. i feel like most of my time is in darkness. the darkness of sleep, dreams, evening; that i only catch a fleeting glimpse at the warm summer sun before being plunged into darkness again. le sigh. i'll change. i've got to.

hmm what else...learned a lot more grammar today! that's one little thing about me: i really like learning about grammar and do it in my spare time when a question arises. i like being proper about it and i find it fascinating. they're like little sacred secrets. English teachers swear by them (O for the love of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary...), and it seems like none but them know of all the secrets. i mean...how can you not be awed? its beautiful.
okay, maybe that's a bit toooo far.
I also like being incredulous. hah. but I've found that if you do it verbally, people think you have a problem.

I think that's all for now. Hrrmm. Looks like toning it down went out the window. This post has clearly cheered me up. Thanks, post.

Yo

I checked my e-mail today and found that I had one from UTA saying I had to complete this Alcohol education course online and that I was supposed to have done it by yesterday, but that they were giving me an extension. How very generous of them. And, not having anything to do, I did it.
Words have not yet been invented that can accurately describe it's tedious gayocity. For example, this was one little skit:

Spikey-haired Hipster: No, no, his early stuff was the best. It was classic and full of substance.
Girl with Ugly Bangs: I respectfully disagree. His new stuff is daring and pushes the limits!
SH: Well, we can agree to disagree then.
GUB: Agreed.
Unkempt Hippy Guy: What's the debate about?
GUB: FAMILY GUY, SEASONS 1 VS. 5
UHG: O SEESON 1 IS DEF BETTR GAIZ! THE KOOL-AID MAN, DUHZ!
SH: AI KNO! THATZ WHAT I SAIZ! BAAAAAAAAAM! HA HA HA!

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhsdklfaj;sdljfasdjfja;dfioweurjk;

then they went on to say the senior class president was just arrested for DUI.

They'd rather kids get themselves killed committing suicide to their faggy film than by drinking alcohol. I get it.

But there was a part that made me laugh. They asked how many of the following did I know who suffered from severe alcoholism and they had spaces next to parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, and cousins so that you could type a number to tell how many. I put zero for all of them and then went back and changed the aunts and uncles number to 99. MUHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAAA.

Hehhhh.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...soo. I was listening to Final Fantasy just a second ago, but I just changed it to Miami Ice. So far so gooood.

Upcoming Show Calendar (so I won't forget)

Why? - Granada - Sept 9th
Ratatat - Granada - Sept 16th
The Office - NBC - Sept 25th (9/8c)
Girl Talk - The Loft - Oct 23th
Deerhoof - Granada - Nov 7th
Of Montreal - House of Blues - Nov 14th

That's a big chunk of change. But also, a big chunk of happiness.
:)

XD

Hellooo.

I'm feeling oddly optimistic and chipper at the moment. Confident for the first time in a little while.

Hmmm..now that I think about it, there was something that's made this day a little special. I watched a makeup tutorial on youtube this morning on how to get a 'natural look' and found that I had already been doing everything it talked about. I didn't feel out of the know, or overwhelmed by the crazy tools and names and brands the girl used. It was like a big sigh of relief. I was an insider for once in my life. I've only had a handful of these moments since starting school, but recently they've become more frequent, but I can't help but feel reverence each and everytime. I mean, it's really that important to me.

See, ever since 2nd or 3rd grade, I've been a tomboy. I didn't like trying to pretend I was girly or pretty. Really low self esteem, as you can imagine. But I tried to cover up how vulnerable I was by dressing "tough" I guess. Anyway, that didn't really help my issues. My so-called friends that I had were more interested in what entertainment I could give them than actually caring about me as a person, and for a long time I felt like I had no personality and was always lonely. I never invited my "friends" to my house. I think it was partly because I didn't know if they would really come.

I mean, looking back, I did have aquaintances back then that turned into real solid friendships later on in jr.high and high school, but I couldn't figure which ones were the good friends and which ones weren't. They eventually unmasked themselves anyway.

:) So I'm pretty much in the recovery stages from long ago, which is a big big relief. I still get a little bout of self conciousness and lonliness every once and again, but it's nothing too major. I'm a loner by nature, it's to be expected. And I've just gotten used to the fact that if I'm feeling those abominable feelings, I do have people I can call and just to hang out with. Ones where I don't have to pretend for and be afraid they won't like me for who I really am. It's a scrumtrelescent sort of feeling, am I right?

It's adorable, actually.

It's insane how many people, who are entirely and quite literally shallow dumbasses, can suddenly decide on a whim that they're likely to become some amazing, undiscovered, potential Hemmingway...or at the very least, believe that because they're taking the time to write, it's somehow not tripe. I think some of the blame resides in modern authors like Chuck Palahnuik. With they're simplistic, easy-to-read-and-understand writing style, the act of writing and being critiqued as "good at it" seems like a no-brainer. Who cares if I couldn't pass high school English? I know that the correct term is "regardless" and have no problem being a condescending douchebag if I hear anyone use it incorrectly, irregardless that those who make that mistake are my close friends with whom I spend all my time with, and am completely oblivious to what that suggests.

Whateverr. They're gay. I'm pretty much mad at the world right now for reasons that will remain undisclosed but are completely obvious.

Hmmm. Back to what I was saying. In all honesty, I do like Palahnuik as a writer. I mean, I find that his style is really...watered-down? for the most part, and I don't really like it that much. It's kind of insulting once I think about it, like the baby-book type sentence structure is all he believes the youth of today can comprehend without putting the book down; like he was thinking, "I mean it will be kind of a phenomenon for someone under 40 to even pick up the book, see all the words and not grimace, so I reeaaaaally shouldn't push my luck," but c'moooonnn. But idk. I guess I can see how his style might just be integrel to the book. A stream of conciousness. Insight into the sex addled, traumatized, and depressed man livin' in da city. Ehhhhhhhhhhhh.

But I do concede that thats the modern and happening style and that I should just shut up and accept it, I don't have to like it. But But! I do like his little moral lessons that he weaves into his new-age stylez. They're surprisingly quite thoughtful and thought-provoking and makes me belive he's one mod writer who knows what he's doing; that there's some substance.

Oh! I got it! Eureka! To me, modern writing is like an inverted steak.

In a regular steak, or an undesputed classic and brilliant novel, the steak is made up almost entirely of meat, or "substance," with a little frivolous fat woven in and around the sides. But in modern writing, it's like the steak is made up almost entirely of fat, with a little meat acting where the fat used to be.

Yes. And there you have it. I'm craving meat.

Sometimes..

..it's like I finally resurface from being enveloped by this sea...this shiny, colorful, turbulent, darkly glamorous sea that I so tightly wind myself in like a crab and see my life and society so clearly and bluntly-edged, so simply stated. I have several problems but there is one that won't seem to stop banging the insides of my head, so that it shatters; its remnants splattering from it, dripping into every zigzagging crevice in the shabby corners of my mind. But it's something so embarrassingly common, I feel like a prat making it seem like such a big deal. Because to me, it is. But to a logical outsider, I'm a silly little girl who needs to focus on books and studies instead of my personal celebrities. Because that's where my main problem lies..these celebrities who should really have nothing to do with me.

So I've come up for air. A breath of fresh air, only to find it tainted with the rotting stench of Reality. He is a bastard, that Reality. Why can't I bypass his odious embrace and hug my celebrity for real?




SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hi hi!
I feel like doing this survey, and not annoying the good people of Myspace.

and your name would be?
Renae or Patty



When was the last time you were told you were beautiful?
You mean people actually do that?



Is your phone close to you?
Yes.



Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?
Yyyyyyyyyyeah, I'm not about to reach over there.




What is bothering you right now?
The inevitable direction my thoughts deviate toward.


Was New Years eve enjoyable?
I honestly don't remember.



Who was the last person to play with your hair?
Uhhh..Ivi, at Toni and Guy?



Bet your missing someone now?
You'd win that.



Do you know what you want to be when you're older?
Happy.




Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
Very high probability. Dark Knight and all!



When was the last time you got a back massage?
Pretty long time...I have bad memories...used to be greeted rather awkwardly by them by a boy I did not like.



If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it ?
I'd try to save it, then I'd use it for odds and ends. Food and such.



If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay?
Well, is it moving? If it's not, my curiosity would overpower my alarm and I would watch it, but the second it twitched I'd run like a gazelle.



Last place you went out to eat?
Bethany's!



Where are you right now?
Room. That is mine.



Are you listening to music right now?
None.



Who's your tenth text from?
Deleted my texts not too long ago.



When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life?
At HARRY AND THE POTTER'S SHOW. TWAS amazazing.



When was the last time you intentionally made someone cry?
That's...horrible.



Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else?
Sure, I guess.



Next time you will kiss someone?
Isn't that the $60,000 question.



Where was your default picture taken?
MAI ROOOM.



What sport do you enjoy watching?
Basketbawl.



Ever had a near death experience?
Yes. Probably.


When is your birthday?
July 8thhh


What do you miss most about the past?
Carefree days.



Are you afraid of falling in love?
Nervous, really..since I haven't done so before..ack!



Do you like country music?
Not usually.



Have you ever had someone sing to you?
Yes, they were lovely.



Do you believe in love?
Undoubtedly...*siiiiiigh*



What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
There'd be some very forceful words being spoken I'd imagine.




Is there something that happened in your past that you really hate talking about?
Word.



Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Yes. Whatever.



Do you ever keep arguing when you know you're wrong?
I do. But I eventually stop mid-sentence and apologize.



How do you think your latest ex feels about you?
eh?



How is your hair?
Pretty grood.



Do you like your first name?
Sure.



Do you like to cuddle?
Probably would.



Last time you ate grilled cheese?
TADAYYYYYYYY.



Name something great that happened today?
Alaina came back from Belize unscathed!



Who was the last person of the opposite sex to make you cry?
Don't remember. Don't want to.



Who was the last person's voice you heard?
My mom's or something.


Do you like your life as of now?
'S really not that bad.



Regret doing anything in the past week?
Doing nothing.


Do you make a lot of mistakes?
...Understatement.




How many kids do you want?
2?3?



When did you last cry?
Cry? IDK. I teared up yesterday though, at the end of The Life Aquatic. "IT REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL, YOU KNOW?"



Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with A?
Nope



Do you crack your knuckles?
I did when I was about to play my clarinet. Makes my fingers looser faster.



What were you doing 20 minutes ago?
Gettin' my read on.


Does anyone call you baby?
I certainly hope not..



Last thing you drank?
WATERSA!



What were you doing last night at midnight?
On stickam I think.



Where does most of your family live?
Within a 5 mile radius.



Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
No. Not in the real world. Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh again.



Ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
I don't think I've ever not.




Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
Yes.


Have you ever broken a bone?
Fractured my wrist.



Have you ever slapped someone?
I vaguely remember doing that...but the details have faded.



What can't you wait for?
My life to start.



Have your parents ever smoked?
I don't ask.



Do you want someone back in your life?
Kinda. Yes. A little. A lot.



Are you good at giving directions?
NO



Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant ?
I think they'd have anurisms before they got mad.




Rent a movie or go to movies?
Depends what I'm in the mood for. Like now, I'd much rather go out than stay in.



What did you eat last?
Grape popsicle.

Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
Yes.



Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Nope, all mines!



If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
Probably not.



Would you ever steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
No...I'm not like that.


Alrighttt. Well I'll at least post an interesting picture to alleviate some of the boredom that accompanied reading this. :] Thanks for stopping by, San Diego.

Is it just me? Or is it everyone who feels like Jeff Goldblum is harassing them every time they go to check their email? I swear every time that that's him, but after a second look, it's the eyes that aren't squinty enough.

Watched The Life Aquatic today for the first time in about 3? years? Watched it twice on the flight to Austria, where we would connect with the flight to take my Aunt and her children and I to our final destination which was Damascus, Syria. It was probably my most favorite memory of the trip. Sadly. But, it's not because the trip was horrible (even though it was, ever so slightly), but because that's the type of person I am. I like airplanes and traveling in one, it makes me feel important, like I'm on a mission. That's always what I've thought of of the people traveling in them as a kid. That's always how they were portrayed to me I guess...through movies and such, but it has stuck. I still feel that way, and it's true, so 'nough said. I also like small, cozy spaces, and that's where I was stuck, in a middle seat, listening to my David Bowie: Greatest Hits CD. I was very pleasantly surprised that that was pretty much the sound track to the movie, what with Seu Jorge randomly popping up with his acoustic and portugese self throughout the film.

But the reason I bring that up is because Jeff Goldblum is in the film, and they kind of tie together. He also said something in the movie that was really funny. He was talking to Bill Murry and it was something like: "We don't make very good husbands, but at least I have a good excuse! I'm part gay."

Anyway. That's a much better movie than I remember it being, but I had played it up to myself despite my true feelings about it at the time, so that it'd always be a pleasant memory anyway, but now it has justice. It's great.

Hmmm..let's see about this past week. Turned 18. That was..thrilling. Went to a Harry and the Potters show FINALLY. It was pretty fantastic except for this weird cross-dresser that I feel like describing and who also stood too close to me. He had platinum blonde hair that he slicked all the way back. To be honest, he looked a little like Hayden Christianson, but with a more bulbous nose, and prominent chin. Very skinny, dressed in a black shirt and black cloth skirt that he paired with bulky combat boots. Really, the only thing that gave away he was cross dressing was his electric blue eyeshadow and thick flase lashes. He also constantly had a smirk on his face...maybe he was trying to depict a cross-dressing Draco Malfoy...actually...I think I just need to be put to sleep.


P.S.! I GOT THE MOST AWESOME SHIRT EVER FROM THE CONCERT! I'll try to find a picture of it.
P.P.S. I FOUND THAT DRACO GUY'S MYSPACE. I THINK MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE NOW IN FRIGHT. IT'S COVERED IN ALTERNATIVELY BLOODY, GORY, JAPANESE PICTURES, PICTURES OF HARRY POTTER, AND STILLS AND VIDEOS OF TIM AND ERIC'S AWESOME SHOW. I am so scared.

Actually wrote this on July 2nd..

So. I’m not a morning person. The idea of having to force myself out of Slumber Land before nature intended is downright unnatural and disgusting.

But, it’s 7:30. AM. Right now. I’m still sleepy but I went on here. I forget which dead and famous philosopher said it, but they did say that the most creative time of day for a person is in the early morn. I’ve also found that late at night, when my mind is too tired to subject my thoughts and ideas through my normal filters of trivial crap, they come out making actual sense and having substance. It’s nice.

Anyway, I really came on just to expel my thought that when you constantly wake up around 10-11 am, you forget how breathtakingly beautiful the sun can be. If you took that metaphorically, I guess that could also mean: when you go around doing things your way all the time, you forget about certain beauties, having closed your mind completely to the option of taking a different route - having a choice. I mean, we all have a choice whether or not to take that next step (and I remember when I took the most crooked path to my 8th period one day after lunch while I had that in mind), but we get so conditioned into our usual decisions that we forget we have options. That’s where the whole problem of functional fixedness arises from. And here I was all proud because I don’t force myself to take the same route home everyday.

All right, well, I doubt this experience, no matter how surprising beautiful it was, is going to make me get up at 7:00 everyday, but at least now I know what I’m missing. And, if I’m trudging through an unpleasant dream, I hope I’ll be conscious enough to know I have a choice.

P.S. Watch The Matrix.

...These go to eleven.

Haldo.
It's been a while since I've last updated, but that was not without effort on my part. I tried many times on two different days to log in to this freakin thing getting frustrating error messages every time. I gave up for a while, which is frustrating in itself because it's only when I reach some kind of epiphany or have a big change in my life when I feel that I must write about it to remind me later on how far I've come, and I've lost and forgotten what it was I wanted to write about when I first tried to remember my password that first day. Gadsssss

Hmm, well, now that I've got that regret out of the way, time for some updates. Lets start with film:

Watched This is Spinal Tap. It is now one of my most favorite movies. Really really genius. Watch it.

Kill Bill. Oh man. Uma Therman is a dream in this. Her acting is superb, I believed every minute of it, which is a bit of a stretch when I think about the plot. It could have easily been the gayest movie ever, but Tarantino pulled it off. I really liked Go-go's character.

Brazil. It was good, really. I need to watch it again. The satire still fully applies to us today, if not more so. Actually, yes. More so. What with the Patriot Act and all. Def more so. It's about the future and how the government will control most everything, leaving citizens with practically no rights, freedoms, or security. After watching it, I had to investigate, because the ending left me scratching my head. And I found an article explaining that the director of the film [it's some famous guy I can't remember right now] started this movie with the idea of making a film where the happy ending is a guy going insane. And he does. Paradoxically, the corrupt and malignant government's chaos creates the main guy's paradise only by causing him to go mad unintentionally. Tis good. Need to watch it again, though.

Oh yes, I did end up watching Paprika, and it wass as good as I expected and as creepy. I got genuinly scared at some parts. But it's really really good.

Amelie. :) Become one of if not my very favorite movie of all time. I relate so much to Amelie's character it's eerie. I wish I had seen this earlier, it would've made me feel less lonely back when I felt like that.

Blahhhhh, finished the 3rd Starwars as well as Episode IV, which were both pretty pretty amazing. Harrison Ford plays the bad guy well. Luke Skywalker's voice got on my last nerves though, especially when they were in the trash compactor and he was yelling for R2 to stop it. Man I wanted to shoot in the face. I physically told him to shut up when I couldn't take it any longer. Man. Some people!

Well, I have a whole whole lot more to catch this thing up on, but I think I'll do so tomorrow as I am sleepy and have not been this sleepy in a long time. Good night

I Should be Playing Halo

It's a little sad when the funnest mission so far on Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is the one where I have to snipe some guards on a ship, and how I abhor the ones where I have to actually steal cars. That should tell me that I'm playing the wrong game, eh? But half the fun is making your own adventure anyway. Like continuously ramming into a particular car till it catches on fire and blows up. Fun.

Man. Radiohead concert. Off the heezey fo sheezey, wheezey. Before I left, I was scared of bein' sneezy so I took some Benedrileezy. But as soon as Sarah picked me up, I was layin' down and catchin' some Z-zys. WHAAAAAAt

Yeah. That is what is up. Uh- huh brother. Fo-real.

Yeah, no, it rocked as much as you'd think times ten. Got an awesome video saved on my phone. The visual was crazy awesome.

So I've downloaded lots of movies I have yet to watch.
1. Star wars epics. Still in the very middle of the 3rd. Man...I left so depressed...WHY ANIKAN, WHYYYYY?!

2. Brazil. It's supposed to be reallyyy reallyyyyy good and funny and satirical. I like that.

3. Ameilie. One of the best romantic movies every so I've heard. And Audrey Tautou is an absolute living doll, so I'm sure it'll ooze cuteness.

4. Spirited Away. This one doesn't really count because I've actually seen it many times. It's just that I've downloaded it on this new-ish computer and I haven't used the torrent at all yet. Kind of feel guilty for some reason.

5. Spinal Tap. This one doesn't count either because I haven't even downloaded it yet. But if I had, it'd probably be sitting there. This is another classic funny satirical mockumentary movie on the life of one a non-existent classic Rock band, Spinal Tap. I like laughs.

Okayyy, well I need to sleep. G'bye.

TAKS week

So, as I think I mentioned in my very first post, I live in Texas and am a senior in high school. It is also TAKS week across the deep heart of Tejas. Now some algebra: those 3 variables added together = late arrival for me for Tuesday - Friday of this week. With the exception of Friday, I didn't have to be at school until 12:15 (today, I had to be there at 11:30) in the pm. Not unlike discovering what comes after death, I think explaining just HOW awesome that is would take away the awe-factor, magic, and wonder. Use your imagination.

Yesterday was probably the worst day I've had in a while, though. Stayed up till 4 doing an English paper and didn't even have that complete when I passed out from exhaustion (not really) on my bed. So I wake up at 10, which I admit, is prodigiously better than waking up at 5, so that I may write the conclusion. I felt okay about the essay as a whole. Then I had to scramble to try and do as much of my Math homework as I could. I didn't feel like finishing it. So I didn't.

Then in first period, Mr. Hart gets onto me for not practicing the finger-burning fastness in one of our pieces. He recently switched me from regular Bb Clarinet, to Bass Clarinet. And, the one factor he didn't think of was how small my hands are. It's a little challenging. I'm not complaining about that though. I can do it, I just haven't had the time to practice it what with schoolwork and all.

Then I get to English and Mrs. Hamilton reluctantly accepts my Hamlet, Act 4 Study Questions I should have handed in after the quiz on it last class. So I pay rapt attention to everything she says the whole class. I became mockingly so after a while. That gets really boring. So, She rewards me by "asking" me to hand out a huge stack of essays. I say "ask" because she did inquire, but then walked away before I had time to reply. I don't think that qualifies.

Math quiz - failed it. Who would have thought doing your homework would help you know what you're supposed to on the quiz about the subject? Novel.

Chem quiz - probably zeroed it. This woman doesn't understand that her students come to class WITHOUT already knowing how to do the problems she quizzes us on. That's was teaching is. I guess she missed that day.

Yeah. But then last night was good only because it ended with me staying up till two watching Episode I of Star Wars. I haven't seen them all, so I'm kind of doing a marathon until I get through them. The impact is a little lessened though; since they're so popular, everyone already knows all the climaxes even if they haven't seen them. But, they're still fun to watch.

Actually, I think I might watch that movie I talked about in my last post - Paprika. It's only an hour and a half long and I've got time. That movie looks a little too scary to watch at night. Well, not scary, more strange and dark. My imagination would go hay-wire if I had to go to sleep after watching it.

See, it's about this Psychologist who has developed a machine to look and delve into her patients dreams, which may reveal some side of themselves they wouldn't normally speak of. In the dreams, she goes by the alias Paprika. Unfortunately though, before the device is made legal, the only prototype is stolen which could have devastating psychological effects if used for eviiil. You get the idea. It's fantastically animated, I'll put the cover of it as the picture for this post. It's what got me interested in the movie in the first place :3

Okay, well, I'm off to make some more brownies. See yah.