Another..

Hey.
I feel sick and I think it's because I was taking finger-fulls of the melted butter-mixed-with-sugar some of my cousins and I were mixing in order to make a red velvet cake from scratch. It wasn't really RED velvet though..we made a two layer cake, with one layer green, the other purple; along with cupcakes which were my favorite because they were a rich dark velvety bluee. They weren't half bad..eh

Anyway. I keep dipping back into my winter obsession. I keep wondering if I'm fascinated by the cold only because it's something I can't get easily...I guess that's part of the allure, but I don't think it's the full reason. I just like the season. It's a very homey one.

Anyanyway, I have a new tiny little mini obsession: Etsy.com
It's amazing. It's a site where people can sell stuff they made, and surprisingly, there are a lot of talented people.
But there's everything you'd want. All types of clothing, Art work, Home stuff, everything. I already have a billion things I want. I've been looking seriously for a good wintry hat. And I've got it narrowed down to three choices: one's a plain hat with those ear flaps, another is just a basic tam that is on sale, and the last is more like a beret. It's really hard to choose. I hate how I'm indecisive and scared that the hat I pick won't even look good on me. Ah well. What will be, will be I guess. Won't be the end of the world. A hat.

Also, my history book is not helping. I read, though briefly, about the first Thanksgiving and man did that set off some cravings. I don't know what I wouldn't give to have some pumpkin pie with whipped cream. yum.


Gotsta finish stuff, bye

Exxhausted

hm. this week has been alright. lets go over some of the more prominent points, shall we? oh. we shall.


negs:
sunburned scalp.
sunburned feets.
overactive sweat glands.
horrible sense of time
which in turn, actually
makes me overcompensate
and come way too early than what's logical
to class.
my shyness.
tendency to be overconfident.
and trying so hard that my friendliness
comes off as faggotocity.
that one guy who farted in sociology in front and two seats away from me.

posvs:
the backs of those auditorium chairs being completely sealed in metal. jesuz.
in spite of my best efforts, I make like 2 friends.
getting a whole buncha exercise.
so much so, in fact, that I sleep
1 - 2 hours as soon as I get home.
considering walking a whole bunch of exercise.
liking all my classes.
loving my art class.
actually finding a locker, claiming it, and not having to recreate 300 in the process.
my teachers speaking engrish.
standing still for about a full minute in front of the main corridor on the 3rd floor of the art building because of the gusts of cold cold air that blows from probably a dangerous crack in the ceiling.
strangers being polite to me.
eating my sandwich while crossing the crosswalk.

aaaaaaand
SCENE

said I would.

Yo. So..looking back at my post last night, I have to say that my day was a bit anticlimactic. It's not that it wasn't interesting and everything, but it wasn't as stressful as I thought. So really it made all my worrying come to absolutely nothinggg. Which is really good. So lets get to it.

Got to school at 8:24 am, found a spot way away, got out of my car and realized how far away the Art Hall was from where I currently was so I rushed like mad to my class, in the sticky heat too. I get to the class all huffy and puffy and find that it's 8:41am. I had about 20 minutes before class started and the classroom door was locked too. Joyyyyyyyy. So I went to the restroom and met a teacher complaining about the paper towel dispensers - how you have to walk across the bathroom and drip water on the floor to get to them. She was nice.

Speech seems fun. I got excited and the teacher seems really cool.

Then it's Sociology's turn. That class was like the auditorium in my high school..maybe only about 1/2 the size though, but it was still pretty immense if you ask me. Harvest Moon. That's my professor's name. She seems very intriguing. I really want to know more about her background, she had the coolest accent ever, but I couldn't place it. I really want to know more about her! Anyway, that class seems interesting as well.

Lastly came English. The teacher seems fantastic. I think it's funny how she references facebook for a lot of things. The class seems like I'll enjoy it, too. I mean, English is usually one of my favorite classes anyway but it seems like this teacher will only enhance it..I guess. She seems really fun.

Nizza Pizza afterwards. All these high schoolers. It felt so werid...I guess maybe college has given me a misguided sense of power, but I felt so much older than them..I think it may be mainly because I've definitely grown personality-wise, into a much more independent person. I never realized how much I depended on others while in high school. It was the school's responsibility to get me a schedule I liked and such things. Not no mo'.

All in all it was a pretty alright day. Didn't make any friends though...Oh! Actually! Remember that teacher I told you about? Well, I had extra time after my classes so I decided to go back into the Art Hall to find my Drawing class I'm taking tomorrow and I ran into that same teacher again! So I think she's my first friend of college. Maybe if I get her as an actual teacher someday, I'll have the edge...MUhaha. Yes. Nah, she was just a nice ladyyyyy.

Okie dokie. Well yeah. That was it! It was cool. Wish me luck on finding friends though, I'm terrible at meeting people. It still amazes me how I have friends today seriously. Ahhhh. Okay laterr.

OH man.

Tomorrow's the day. THE day. I feel a little sick..
I'm really worried about this next chapter. I'm at the cusp of either success or failure here. A happy life, or a sucky one. It's all up to meeeee. What if I can't do it? I really don't want to be overwhelmed, which is what I'm feeling right nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Deep breath. Okay. Everything's guna be fine. Forizzle. just...i needa be quiet.
I think I'll go draw something..that really calmed me down when I was drawing on msn..hmm..

The picture I posted is one I drew on msn. That's is how I think tomorrow will be for me.

I mean, what could go wrong anyway? Besides everything...gahhhh I'm psyching myself out. I'm also being a baby. It's probably not going to be as bad as I am currently thinking, or as awesome as what I had always pictured in my mind. Wow. Me. College...it's just a weird thought. I mean, I barely look old enough to be in high school let alone college.

Okay. Well. Final Fantasy is being beautiful and putting me at ease. Def post coming tomorrow. Be ready. I'm sure not.

I feel better now.

sup.


fleet foxes sound even better against the rain and thunder outside. add solitaire and I've got myself a party.

oliver james washed in the rain...

:3

blarrrrrrrg

hey. bored. getting anxious about school. I mean its university! a whole new world! the beginning of the hard parts of life! oh man... am I ready? gosh, I don't know. I feel kind of ready to take on more responsibility. I mean...the mere preparation for this freakin school has forced me to become more independent. no one tried to coddle me. I had to make all the decisions rationally and by myself so that any mistakes would all be on me. but I'm glad it worked out that way, nonetheless.

oooh. huh. just found something that's making my temper rise uncontrollably. yep. I'm starting to get shaky. my head is starting to pound. I should probably get off before I type something stupid.

Helloo Winter Wear

HI :)

Today was a good day because I got to go shopping for winter clothes and actually found clothes I liked and can't WAIT to wear. Man. I love the cold weather. Getting all bundled up! Waking up and moving to the window to look up at the overcast winter sky which looks like a whole bunch of shredded cotton balls. Touching the glass and having it fog beneath your too warm fingers...realizing it's going to be biting and having to put on more layers to keep warm till you're extremely cozy and can face the frosty wind outside.
Having an excuse to wear the coolest hats ever. I love the jux. of the bitter coldness against my face and being completely warm everywhere else. I like when my nose and cheeks turn pink and being able to warm them with just a couple seconds touch from my wolly hands. Then coming in the house with that welcoming scent an active fireplace radiates and curling up close to it while the whole family watches tv in the living room. It's very contenting.

P. S. If you want to get on my good side [or possibly sweep me off my feet...a girl can fantasize], invest in a thick, warm, cozy, wide, any color but solid brown [since brown & black are no no's], cute scarf fo mee.

P. P. S. That's me last year. As much as I wanted to, I didn't jump into my coat and take a picture for the sake of this post. I'm not that obsessive



yet.

Sociology in the Now

Hi
Got some thoughts to expel, so lets get to et.

More specifically, One Awkward Moment. Brought to you by PBS Kids.

Ok. So. I was at UTArlington [ugh] and I had finished meeting w/the honors college adviser. I asked her where I needed to go to turn in my AP scores. She said Davis Hall and literally pointed me in the "right" direction. So I wander around campus for a while. Sort of a long while..without really paying much attention to where I was going as it was hot and I had thought to wear my crimson cardigan so as to make a good impression. So in short, I made myself miserable. After circling the same building twice, which I was only made aware of as I passed the same average-looking guy smoking a cigarette by the entrance and giving me a hearty stare for the second time, I see a small group of adults I assumed to be teachers around the back of another building. It was a small man, an older woman with white hair, and this hauss of a lady with a frizzy plate of hair in a long ponytail down her back. I waited politely while they finished their conversation; the hauss looking at me from time to time. Then she started walking my way. I asked her where to find Davis Hall. She was nice and gave me clear directions. I thanked her and she assured me it was her pleasure and I said goodbye and we both started to go on our way when I find that her way is in the exact same direction as mine. So...we're walking silently next to each other about 6 feet away in the same direction, just starring ahead or to at the ground. After about a minute of this she enters a building.

It was really awkward. We had just finished being so polite to each other and we both probably would have walked away feeling dignified in our own cordiality when we then proceed to simply ignore each other for about a minute. It's just times like these that the quirks of the civilized human nature pops out at you.

There was another one but I've forgotten it.
Laterssssesesres

I vs. Me

hey
so i think i'm guna tone it down for now. for this post anyways. with the capitalization at least. i mean its much too far for me right now. gads.

so yeahhhhhhhhh. my boredom has brought me here. i hate this. the whole day i've felt like i had just woken up and my day hadn't even begun. then i glance at the clock in the bottom right hand of the screen (as i spend most of my time on the computer nowadays) and groan as the time is much too close to darkness once again. my days are now like that one glorious scene in The Matrix: Revolutions. its my favorite part in the whole movie. where Neo and Trinity are being chased by those spider-droids in the Machine City near the end, and the whole time the pollution and smog blots out the sun so completely and hopelessly. and then, suddenly, they go up higher and higher to escape the robots that are right on their tail till FINALLY they break free of the clouds of filth and see the sun fleetingly for the first time in their lives. the real, true, natural, beautiful, ethereal sun. not the computer-generated circle of light they see in the matrix. i always tear up.

yeah. so. i feel like most of my time is in darkness. the darkness of sleep, dreams, evening; that i only catch a fleeting glimpse at the warm summer sun before being plunged into darkness again. le sigh. i'll change. i've got to.

hmm what else...learned a lot more grammar today! that's one little thing about me: i really like learning about grammar and do it in my spare time when a question arises. i like being proper about it and i find it fascinating. they're like little sacred secrets. English teachers swear by them (O for the love of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary...), and it seems like none but them know of all the secrets. i mean...how can you not be awed? its beautiful.
okay, maybe that's a bit toooo far.
I also like being incredulous. hah. but I've found that if you do it verbally, people think you have a problem.

I think that's all for now. Hrrmm. Looks like toning it down went out the window. This post has clearly cheered me up. Thanks, post.

Yo

I checked my e-mail today and found that I had one from UTA saying I had to complete this Alcohol education course online and that I was supposed to have done it by yesterday, but that they were giving me an extension. How very generous of them. And, not having anything to do, I did it.
Words have not yet been invented that can accurately describe it's tedious gayocity. For example, this was one little skit:

Spikey-haired Hipster: No, no, his early stuff was the best. It was classic and full of substance.
Girl with Ugly Bangs: I respectfully disagree. His new stuff is daring and pushes the limits!
SH: Well, we can agree to disagree then.
GUB: Agreed.
Unkempt Hippy Guy: What's the debate about?
GUB: FAMILY GUY, SEASONS 1 VS. 5
UHG: O SEESON 1 IS DEF BETTR GAIZ! THE KOOL-AID MAN, DUHZ!
SH: AI KNO! THATZ WHAT I SAIZ! BAAAAAAAAAM! HA HA HA!

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhsdklfaj;sdljfasdjfja;dfioweurjk;

then they went on to say the senior class president was just arrested for DUI.

They'd rather kids get themselves killed committing suicide to their faggy film than by drinking alcohol. I get it.

But there was a part that made me laugh. They asked how many of the following did I know who suffered from severe alcoholism and they had spaces next to parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, and cousins so that you could type a number to tell how many. I put zero for all of them and then went back and changed the aunts and uncles number to 99. MUHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAAA.

Hehhhh.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...soo. I was listening to Final Fantasy just a second ago, but I just changed it to Miami Ice. So far so gooood.

Upcoming Show Calendar (so I won't forget)

Why? - Granada - Sept 9th
Ratatat - Granada - Sept 16th
The Office - NBC - Sept 25th (9/8c)
Girl Talk - The Loft - Oct 23th
Deerhoof - Granada - Nov 7th
Of Montreal - House of Blues - Nov 14th

That's a big chunk of change. But also, a big chunk of happiness.
:)

XD

Hellooo.

I'm feeling oddly optimistic and chipper at the moment. Confident for the first time in a little while.

Hmmm..now that I think about it, there was something that's made this day a little special. I watched a makeup tutorial on youtube this morning on how to get a 'natural look' and found that I had already been doing everything it talked about. I didn't feel out of the know, or overwhelmed by the crazy tools and names and brands the girl used. It was like a big sigh of relief. I was an insider for once in my life. I've only had a handful of these moments since starting school, but recently they've become more frequent, but I can't help but feel reverence each and everytime. I mean, it's really that important to me.

See, ever since 2nd or 3rd grade, I've been a tomboy. I didn't like trying to pretend I was girly or pretty. Really low self esteem, as you can imagine. But I tried to cover up how vulnerable I was by dressing "tough" I guess. Anyway, that didn't really help my issues. My so-called friends that I had were more interested in what entertainment I could give them than actually caring about me as a person, and for a long time I felt like I had no personality and was always lonely. I never invited my "friends" to my house. I think it was partly because I didn't know if they would really come.

I mean, looking back, I did have aquaintances back then that turned into real solid friendships later on in jr.high and high school, but I couldn't figure which ones were the good friends and which ones weren't. They eventually unmasked themselves anyway.

:) So I'm pretty much in the recovery stages from long ago, which is a big big relief. I still get a little bout of self conciousness and lonliness every once and again, but it's nothing too major. I'm a loner by nature, it's to be expected. And I've just gotten used to the fact that if I'm feeling those abominable feelings, I do have people I can call and just to hang out with. Ones where I don't have to pretend for and be afraid they won't like me for who I really am. It's a scrumtrelescent sort of feeling, am I right?

It's adorable, actually.

It's insane how many people, who are entirely and quite literally shallow dumbasses, can suddenly decide on a whim that they're likely to become some amazing, undiscovered, potential Hemmingway...or at the very least, believe that because they're taking the time to write, it's somehow not tripe. I think some of the blame resides in modern authors like Chuck Palahnuik. With they're simplistic, easy-to-read-and-understand writing style, the act of writing and being critiqued as "good at it" seems like a no-brainer. Who cares if I couldn't pass high school English? I know that the correct term is "regardless" and have no problem being a condescending douchebag if I hear anyone use it incorrectly, irregardless that those who make that mistake are my close friends with whom I spend all my time with, and am completely oblivious to what that suggests.

Whateverr. They're gay. I'm pretty much mad at the world right now for reasons that will remain undisclosed but are completely obvious.

Hmmm. Back to what I was saying. In all honesty, I do like Palahnuik as a writer. I mean, I find that his style is really...watered-down? for the most part, and I don't really like it that much. It's kind of insulting once I think about it, like the baby-book type sentence structure is all he believes the youth of today can comprehend without putting the book down; like he was thinking, "I mean it will be kind of a phenomenon for someone under 40 to even pick up the book, see all the words and not grimace, so I reeaaaaally shouldn't push my luck," but c'moooonnn. But idk. I guess I can see how his style might just be integrel to the book. A stream of conciousness. Insight into the sex addled, traumatized, and depressed man livin' in da city. Ehhhhhhhhhhhh.

But I do concede that thats the modern and happening style and that I should just shut up and accept it, I don't have to like it. But But! I do like his little moral lessons that he weaves into his new-age stylez. They're surprisingly quite thoughtful and thought-provoking and makes me belive he's one mod writer who knows what he's doing; that there's some substance.

Oh! I got it! Eureka! To me, modern writing is like an inverted steak.

In a regular steak, or an undesputed classic and brilliant novel, the steak is made up almost entirely of meat, or "substance," with a little frivolous fat woven in and around the sides. But in modern writing, it's like the steak is made up almost entirely of fat, with a little meat acting where the fat used to be.

Yes. And there you have it. I'm craving meat.