feh.

i've said this before: i'm giving up for a while.
do i?

..for a while.

and that is apparently not long enough for me. i need a long long while.
i'm the perfect candidate for a libido removal. i'd be perfect. duuuude i'd get so much done. i'd be the smartest person ever. well-read. well-studied...yeah. perfecto.

it's just...idk. there must be something wrong with me. AHHHHHHH THERES TOOMUCHNOISEINMY HOUSEATTHISMOMEEEEEENTTT

gah. but yeah. or maybe its just uta. full of nice-looking or just plain nice-guys who're all taken and untouchable or intolerable. it sucks.

i just don't want to settle. and i don't want to waste my time pining for someone who'd never be interested ina relationship anyway. or doesn't know my name even.

y'know i've realized that my soci teacher was right: your name, whether you like it or not, is an important stronghold to your identity. i've been going by Renae in my classes and haven't been correcting the teacher. that causes all the people i meet to call me Renae. I really feel so...almost empty, and squimish when they call me that..I don't know who that person is, really. I'm..Patty. And no matter how much I don't like it, it's me. It's a bit ironic now that I think of it, kind of just realized something. Just had a whole took-a-step-back-and-put-it-in-perspective kind of moment there. but its too personal for the interwebz. srysssssssss


anyway, yeah. i'm going to not care. i'll just fall in love for seconds at a time with random handsome strangers. have a whole relationship in my head. it won't last, but i'm putting off reading some stuff so i'm going to be as optimistic as i can to compensate.

in conclusion,
i need a haircut.